im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
