we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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