with your own penis?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
