Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
