summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
