dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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