Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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