I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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