I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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