we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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