Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
