Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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