wrigley field is MILF paradise
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your cock deserves a montage
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
