I faked an abortion last night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize