dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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