I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize