yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
