I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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