laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
