Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
