New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
