I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
