allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
