She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
