Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
