You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think your dad took our porno
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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