i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
