oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
