I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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