Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
