Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
