Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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