I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
