We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize