I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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