i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
