I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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