Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
