dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
