my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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