Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
