Define "chronic" masturbator.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
