it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
