we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
