you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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