Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
