I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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