Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
