If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
