dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
