His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
