Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
