on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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