Christians are straight up FREAKS
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
