At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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