maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
