WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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