You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
