Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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