I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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