Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
