it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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