when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
