dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
