Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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