My cat gives me a boner
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
