my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
