Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
