The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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