i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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