First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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