I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
