Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
