I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
