Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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