No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
