I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
