yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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