i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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