i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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