your room smells of hookers.
And success
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
