i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize