what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
