you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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