There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize