i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
