In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
not ubering you a puppy
These tits shall not be calmed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize