The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
