I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
