the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize