In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
