Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
