do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize