There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
