I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
