i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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