can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
