I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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