There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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