I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm at about main and main street
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
