oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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