nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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