just tell him i said nine months
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
