sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
