Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
