you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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