Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
