Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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