she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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