You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
